Paying Attention

It's the first Wednesday of the month and time for another Insecure Writer's Support Group post. Ninja Captain Alex J. Cavanaugh started this group to give anxious writers everywhere an outlet to connect with others as well as a place to vent fears and frustrations as a writer. If you're an insecure writer or just looking for a little support, click here to join.

Paying Attention

In Saving Gracie, my first novel, I often refer to Grace’s “other self.” She's first referred to as Grace #2 and then simply #2. As long as Grace lived her life as a whiny Henny Penny, #2 used her whit and most often sarcasm to whip Grace in shape.

As Grace matured, #2 became an ally.

Do you have a #2? I know I do. Actually, I think everyone does. Sometimes the voice is hard to hear, and sometimes we’re just not paying attention. 

It’s the voice that whispers information that often causes a response such as:

I knew that was going to happen…

I knew I should have…

I knew I was going to regret…

Something just told me I needed to…

For the last week or so I’ve felt…something. I don’t feel right, something is out of kilter, my chest hurts, my insides feel jittery. What is it?

Yesterday I literally asked “what is it?” And I got the answer. You see, like Grace in Saving Gracie, my mom also died on Easter Sunday. It’s been many years now (since 1987). I was 35 and could not imagine a world without my mother in it. 

The trauma of her death and the Easter Season (the beautiful flowers, Easter baskets, decorated eggs, bunnies...the whole shebang) has lodged itself somewhere in my DNA. Where it was a jackhammer many years ago, now it’s a little tap-tap-tap reminding me…tis the season. I love you Mom.

Peace to all…